


Of Munchies and Manslaughter

by SwoodMaxProductions



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: But Don’t Worry It’s Ganondorf, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Good!Ganondorf, Gunshot Wounds, He can take it, Humor, Minor Character Death, Original Character Death(s), Post-World of Light, RIP idiot, Smashers traveling, Spectator Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 20:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20784284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwoodMaxProductions/pseuds/SwoodMaxProductions
Summary: Ganondorf: Ya can’t take him anywhere.





	Of Munchies and Manslaughter

**Author's Note:**

> So, spectator universes are a great concept of mine. A spectator universe is any universe that is marginally aware of events in other universes, usually as a work of fiction or such. Basically our world is one.
> 
> This takes place in one.

“Yeah, I’m definitely picking something up. We’ve definitely found the right area around here,” mused Shulk, inspecting the readings of the magical equipment in the back of the hopefully-inconspicuous van.

The abrupt convergence of worlds had far-reaching repercussions, repercussions that had brought a group of Smashers to this unfamiliar city in an unfamiliar universe. Shulk, Isabelle, Ness, and Zelda were packed into the back, using the modified van’s spacetime analysis equipment. Samus sat in the driver’s seat, keeping an eye on their surroundings. And beside her, slouched in the passenger seat, was Ganondorf, listening, for lack of a better term, to the ENERGY.

Electromancy. It was one of the many magical arts shunned as “witchcraft” that the Gerudo embraced, the use of electrical pulses of magic to identify surroundings. Good for low visibility, maintaining stealth, assessing possible threats… and occasionally, alleviating boredom. Every appliance inside the buildings around them. Every streetlight. The energy output from the engines of passing cars. The subtle blip from the neurological activity of that squirrel over there.

“Um, I think we’re out of food…,” said Isabelle.

“Hey, wasn’t there a convenience store back there?” offered Ness.

“Yeah! Hey Samus? Could we get some snacks, please?” asked Zelda.

“You guys? No. Me? Yes. We still don’t know what exactly is causing these disturbances. If something huge is out there, I can handle it.”

“No, you’d need to DRIVE,” said Ganondorf, speaking for the first time in hours, “There are children in here. ...I’ll get the food.”

“Really? You’re serious?”

He glared at Samus, picking up the Kiddo Snack Fund and opening the door.

“Yes. Keep them safe. I can handle myself.”

~~~

The tinkle of the bell above the door was abruptly muffled by Ganondorf’s hair as he ducked under the doorframe. The college-age kid behind the register was desperately trying not to stare. 

Ganondorf just played it cool, gathering the kids’ snacks. Strangely, the bell on the door rang again. Huh. It was pretty late...

“”Give me all the money! Now!”

Damn it. Damn it all. This was just his luck, wasn’t it. Couldn’t even mind his own business. But the young cashier’s terror made Ganondorf decide that this little ski mask punk needed to be taught a lesson.

“HEY!”

~~~

The kid being held at gunpoint’s jaw dropped as the robber was yanked into the air by a purple miasma, screaming. Ga— the huge guy had his hand outstretched, like… like he was…

_Just like in Super Smash Bros…_

But the robber had kept his hold on the gun, and wrenched his arm up and frantically emptied his magazine across the store. The cashier could see the much larger man recoiling a bit… four times… oh god. Oh God, he just took four bullets and HARDLY FLINCHED.

The enormous man looked up at the suspended criminal incredulously from his fresh wounds, and the robber realized that he had just made a MASSIVE mistake.

The larger man closed the gap between them in mere seconds, his massive hand wrapping over the robber’s head and SLAMMING him, face-first, into the counter.

The ski mask covered most of it, but from what the young cashier could see… and hear… his skull splattered like a watermelon. The monolith of a man stepped back from the robber’s corpse, briefly making eye contact with the terrified cashier.

He could see unmistakably yellow eyes behind the aviator shades…

The Ganondorf lookalike simply gathered the snacks from the floor where he’d dropped them, and brought them to the counter. He was slightly more sluggish than when he’d come in, and blood was slowly soaking into his shirt. But he was on his feet, disturbingly casual. The cashier was absolutely petrified. And then he pulled out an envelope full of money…

“Oh, hang on…”

He even sounded…! The huge man (...Ganondorf…?) crouched down below the counter.

“Ah, here we go…”

He popped back up with… the dead robber’s wallet. He returned to the snack section as he looked through it, picking up more food. The poor cashier just started ringing up the items in a daze. This wasn’t happening. What even WAS happening?!

The man returned with additional food, handing the cashier the money from the wallet.

“Here you go.”

This was too much. He’d just been saved by… Ganondorf. He wasn’t going to try to deny it anymore. It was Ganondorf. And… he wasn’t killing him. In fact, he’d quite possibly saved his life. 

“H.. uh, h-here you are… sir…”

“Heh. Thanks.”

Ganondorf took the bags of food and started for the door, but then stopped and looked back at the cashier before he left…

“Oh, and by the way? Nice pin.”

And then he was gone, ducking under the doorframe again and vanishing into the night. The young cashier realized what he was talking about. One of the logo pins he’d put on his vest. 

Legend of Zelda.

There was no doubt left. 

He just met the Demon King.

~~~

“Oh my god. You killed someone, didn’t you.”

Ganondorf awkwardly scooted into the passenger seat again, taking care to aggravate his injuries as little as possible.

“Hey, he shot me first. Just… let’s get back to the motel and get our analysis going…”

“AWESOME!” cheered Ness, opening some Twizzlers.

Samus sighed, starting up the van.

“Are you okay?”

Ganondorf laughed.

“Of course I’m okay. It’s not that bad. See?”

He showed her the handful of bullets he’d teleported out of himself. Samus chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“I even knocked out the security cameras with some electromancy, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Says the man with four bullet holes in him. When we get back to the motel, you’re showering and resting.”

Samus knew about the Gerudo King’s superhuman resilience and healing factor, she just didn’t like seeing her friends hurt. 

“Already planning on it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write a good motel room scene but couldn’t get it right... Hope you enjoyed this anyway.


End file.
